Home - Photos - Links - Weather - For Sale - Humor! - Amateur Radio - Quotes - Web Cam!

2003-2004 Funnies
2003-2004 - 2005 - 2006- 2007 - 2008 Humor Page

December 2004 - Bad News, Big Shocks, and Math...

 

November 2004 - The WC, Geeks, and Driving in Kabul...  Enjoy!

 

October 2004 - Why did the chicken cross the road?

George W Bush: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either against us or for us. There is no middle ground here.

Colin Powell: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

Hans Blix: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

John Kerry: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road I am now against it!

Ralph Nader: The chicken's habitat on the other side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrial greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.

Pat Buchanan: To steal the job of a decent, hard-working American.

Rush Limbaugh: I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet that somebody out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the- road syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars. And when I say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money, money the government took from you to build a road for chickens to cross.

Martha Stewart: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

Ernest Hemingway: To die in the rain. Alone.

Martin Luther King, Jr.: I envision a world where all Chickens Will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

Barbara Walters: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to
accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.

Aristotle: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

Karl Marx: It was an historic inevitability.

Sigmund Freud: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

Bill Gates: I have just witnessed eChicken2003, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook-and internet explorer is an integral part of eChicken.

Steve Jobs: Because of the brand-new iChicken- a portable device that crosses roads, lays eggs, gives wakeup calls and provides dinner, automatically. This amazing device can simply plug in to the $4000 iCoop to produce additional iChickens and recharge existing iChickens, or plug it into the $9000 iChop to convert iChicken files into iFood. iFood-to-Regular Food converters sell for an additional $50/month fee, however the optional iFood-to-FoodXP converter is still in development. iChickens are only available from authorized iDealers, which can be found in nearly every US state. If your iChicken develops a disease or stops working, you must send it by FedEx Overnight to Littleton, Montana and our iTechnicians will send you a replacement within 3 months. The iChicken. Wow.

Albert Einstein: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

Bill Clinton: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

Al Gore: I invented the chicken!

Charles Darwin: It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.

Colonel Sanders: I missed one?

October 2004 - From the workplace - the world is ending - it's happened, now Hell has .....  ENJOY!


 
 

September 2004 - More of the ????

 

23 Aug 2004 - ????


16 Aug 2004 - Useful Product? & Redneck Bodywork

 

21 June 2004 - Signs, Politics, Techie Fun.....

 

31 May 2004 - Some "techie" humor this week...

 

23 May 2004 - Let's call this series "The last photo I ever took"  Enjoy!


 
 

19 Apr 2004 - Some miscellaneous ramblings & food for thought...

 
 

31 Mar 2004 - A little weirdness for April!

 
 
  
Must be tough getting a parking space in this town!  & April Office Fun...
 

23 Mar 2004 - More what's wrong with this picture...

02 Mar 2004 - Redneck RV's and more...

 

16 Feb 2004 -  Only in Wyoming, & What's wrong with this picture?

 

14 Feb 2004 - Looks like Disney finally found Nemo

04 Feb 2004 - You might be a redneck if...

 
 

26 Jan 2004 - And we thought it was cold in Bear Lake last week!  Finally, more signs that ?????....

 

21 Jan 2004 - More Oops! & Penguin Suicide!

 

19 Jan 2004 - They Have Found Signs of Life on Mars! Oh Yeah!!

 

07 Jan 2004 - A few more funnies!

 

22 Dec 2003 - National Bring Your Kid to Work Day, and Corporate Parking are this weeks themes.  Happy Holidays!

 

15 Dec 2003 - More signs....

 

17 Nov 2003 - Two reasons why you should quit complaining about YOUR job...



23 Oct 2003 - A Guide To Political Ideologies Using Two Cows -

FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.

FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.

PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.

APPLIED COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.

DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.

NIGERIAN DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. The government takes both, shoots you and sends the cows to Zurich.

MILITARISM: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.

PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.

SINGAPOREAN DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. The government fines you for keeping two unlicensed farm animals in an apartment.

REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.

AMERICAN DEMOCRACY: The government promises to give you two cows if you vote for it. After the election, the president is impeached for speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the affair "Cowgate". The cows sue you for breach of contract.

BRITISH DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. You feed them sheep's brains and they go mad. The government does not do anything.

EUROPEAN DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. At first, the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. After that it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

HONG KONG CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly-listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows. The milk rights of six cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the right to all seven cows' milk back to the listed company. The annual report says that the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because of bad feng shui.

TOTALITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.

POLITICAL CORRECTNESS: You are associated with (the concept of 'ownership' is a symbol of the phallocentric, warmongering, intolerant past) two differently aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of Non-specified gender.

COUNTERCULTURE: Wow, dude, there's like...these two cows, man. You have *got* to have some of this milk.

SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

19 Oct 2003 -

02 Oct 2003

26 Sep 2003 - These two characters couldn't wait to get their noses red, and sample the freebies! (think of Monster Garage's "Freebie" mantra...)  They look a little too excited to me....

17 Sep 2003 - Only in Texas!

08 Sep 2003 - More actual signs that make you go "Huh?"


O tearai wa doku desu ka? (Japan)

03 Sep 2003 -

27 Aug 2003 - A little social commentary...

18 Aug 2003 - Another sign the world is going to the dogs...

10 Aug 2003 - Why men should never baby-sit...

28 July 2003 -

22 July 2003 - Boy it's a good thing there are cell phones! (from Australia)

07 July 2003 -



30 June 2003 -

27 June 2003 -

12 June 2003 More ????? from actual signs....  How much do you think it costs to park a cruise ship at the airport?

 

04 June 2003

28 May 2003 -

21 May 2003 - More What???????????????????????????????????

 

14 May 2003 -  What???????????????????????????????

 

07 May 2003 -

DOUGHBOY TUMMY POKED FOR LAST TIME

01 May 2003 - It is with the saddest heart that we must pass on the following news. Please join us in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community.

The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71. Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin.

Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Capt. Crunch.

The graveside was piled high with flours. Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded.

Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very 'smart' cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky in his youth and a crusty old man, he was considered a roll model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play Dough; two children, John Dough and Jane Dough; plus the bun they had in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.  The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

1998-2009  All rights reserved. All trademarks are owned by the respective company or jex.org.  Must have written permission to copy.  Last Updated:  12/01/2008